September 1, 2014
My life in a Nicktoon

My life in a Nicktoon

September 1, 2014
An Unwanted Legacy

When one thinks of the first black graduate of a college institution
They think of someone who has amazing perseverance
Stands up for what they believe
And lives a life they can live with
Regardless of anyone else

My father is the first black graduate of the SUNY-ESF Ranger School
But I don’t view him as a hero
I view him as a broken man

With stories that range from
Nooses hanging from his dorm room lights
To his teeth being stomped in Freshman Year
The fact he still reps the school more than his own son
Who he made attend the same institution for 2 years
Shows what reality and the beliefs of others can create
The most naive of contradictions
The most self-deprecating of monsters

He didn’t want to believe when I told him nothing changed
Confederate flags still hung from the rafters at parties
They still viewed me as the token
No one wanted to see me succeed
“You’re running from becoming a man” he’d say

No
I’m running away from becoming you

September 1, 2014
Silent Scars

During my High School years
The pain was silent

My wrists remained unscathed
But my self-esteem lied in tatters
I cut everyone else
So I never cut myself
And the biggest dream I had
Was sleeping through the night
Without making it permanent

I took my anger out on my studies
Thinking academic honors would make me happy
It never did
I never was one for accolades
And I still had no choice in anything regarding my life

Times have changed
I’m watching the sunrise
Instead of begging for the sunset
Because I’ve made light out of the dark

This tunnel has finally reached it’s end

September 1, 2014
The Meaning Of Faith

There’s a difference between
Becoming attached
And
Letting it slip

This see-saw of a dynamic
Leaves me and my friends stranded
Confused as to how much we open up
And how much we let our hurt be healed

This is where faith comes in
Not the unrelenting belief in a god
But the belief in someone or something
That makes you say
“Holy fuck, I’m so close to losing it.”
Yet you still smile at the thought
It’ll all pan out like you want it too

Don’t think
Just live

August 31, 2014
These hands work hard… ✋ (at Cracker Barrel Old Country Store)

These hands work hard… ✋ (at Cracker Barrel Old Country Store)

August 31, 2014
Oral Sex

Don’t go down on me

Go down on my mind

Push me back when I push you

Challenge what I think is ordinary

And make it explode in front of me

I’d rather take this any day

Than a silent intimate notion

But I’m hoping that doesn’t diminish possible intents

I just want us both to earn each other

August 30, 2014
Al Green

The father who can’t accept love
Goes on a drive
With the son who thinks he’ll never be loved

Usually it’s awkward silence
Today it was broken
All thanks to Al Green

The soulful crooner speaks to us both in a unique way
Sure, he cheated on his wife
But she threw Hot Grits in his face
So at least it was fair in the end
But that’s not what makes him relate
No…

We’re all tired of being alone

August 30, 2014
Long Weekend

 My mom approves of my haircut

Then again
She’s approved of some of the worst haircuts ever
So that’s not like it means anything
But what her and my barber said did

“Girls will like this”
What?
As if to say the all the words that come from my mouth are red flags
When it’s the truth
So it’ll sit easier now that I have an edge-up and trimmed beard?
I fucking doubt that
I’m still the flower on the wall
Just slightly more presentable

She slips 50 bucks in my pocket
While my father slurps up College Football
So “America”
Just like me being a 21 yr old black man is so “America”
He wanted to keep me from the streets
But I have more of a home there than this contradiction
Putting money into non-living things
While my college fund sat empty

So don’t mind me
I’ll be right here
Reading and weeping

August 30, 2014
Fading Horizon

You say you’ve been through what I’ve been through

Yet you can’t let go

You still support our troops

Believe in the American Dream

And your weekends are a blur

I’m tired of asking you all the questions

And getting the same answers

With no questions back

My interest is gone

Maybe it should’ve never been there in the first place

But that night you hugged me wasted

Was the most I’ve ever felt it inside

I just wish it didn’t have to be that way

So I’ll keep finding hope in your beautiful eyes

And hope you see that our paths crossed for a reason

Because you make me feel alive

August 30, 2014
For No One Else

I know I’m doing the right thing with my life now

I got interviewed and showcased and hardly any of my “friends” gave two shits

But it’s all good though

I’ve been pushing this boat upstream with little to no help for years

I didn’t drown

I just got stronger

So don’t you dare try and take a piece from this pie

Pretend you know me when I start becoming noticed

Because I’ll remember the words you said that you swore I forgot

And say them to your face

As I walk off into the fog

Where you can only pray to see me again

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